It's a mini

#6 - Just another Tuesday

2011-10-11T21:37:00.004+11:00

Stayed home and worked on design project. So many distractions from YouTube videos to surfing the net looking for reviews on Too Faced cream blush. No I won't be getting it because it'll just be another impulse purchase.

Finally made some time for gym followed by home-cooked Japanese curry for dinner.

No pictures for today. Hence food pic from last week.

Salmon fish cooked by Carman. His best dish for far :))))

So how was your Tuesday?

#5 - As the day approaches

2011-10-10T23:15:00.003+11:00

One by one I have friends joining the work force. Can't say how much I want to be a part of it, as it is time to move on to something bigger and better.

#4 - Another week gone by

2011-10-09T22:52:00.000+11:00

How did you spend your Sunday?

#3 - Dinner and bowling with the other couple

2011-10-09T01:59:00.002+11:00

Procrastination tops the list as I should be working on my final submission.

Yet another favorite. Gonna watch this again one of these days.

###

Dinner with Chris and Hui Mynn, followed by a 2 for $10 bowling game.

This is probably the best I've done in bowling. fyi, my name here is 'Saman'.

#2 - All time favourite

2011-10-07T11:01:00.005+11:00

Four words.
Awesome movie. Awesome song.

Happy Friday everyone! :))

#1 - moment of the day

2011-10-06T09:33:00.008+11:00

'Life is too short to blend in' - Paris Hilton

looking at October

2011-09-13T10:44:00.002+10:00

the final run as a student. not sure what I want more - to have a list of endless to-do's/submission dates or - to join the quest of looking for a 9-5 job. They say the students enjoys the best despite stressful assignments and exam period. I've been a student for as long as I can remember and had a taste of work between holidays. Can't point a finger to which is better - being a poor and carefree student or an employed young adult.

looking forward to the end of october as I celebrate the end to being a student and the start of a new quest in life.

realise all i want to say is my time as a student is coming to an end. to an extend, i'll be missing the exams, assignments and just being a student.

in an attempt to enjoy every last bit of it and making it a memorable one before i leave all of it behind and move on to something bigger and definitely better :D

a note to self

2011-08-19T22:42:00.002+10:00

Appreciate the ones around you. For family who cares, supports and believe in me. For friends who stayed by me throughout the years. For a loving boyfriend. For people who I've met along the way. For places that I've visited and left a memory with me. For every happy moment in my life. For every fall I made. For every lesson learned. For experiences that I've gained through studies, work and play. For the blessings I have in life. For God who protected me and taught me another valuable lesson. I am so blessed :)

Having too much fun

2011-06-28T11:17:00.003+10:00

The month end is here. Over here, the financial year ends in June. Come 1st of July, it is considered a new year with new accounts and new ruling applies. As of right now, almost every departmental store and individual store are having clearance sale to clear all stocks for new stocks to come. Because I love shopping so much, HOW TO RESIST????

I've been on a spending spree ever since my trip to Brisbane/Gold Coast. I was taught that when you're on a holiday, spend on experience, spend wisely and be happy. When my trip was extended unexpectedly, I told myself that the money spent on extra accommodation, food and car rental was necessary. When I got back from the trip, I was in the mood to shop and went crazy with the sales. I told myself that stock take sale happens only once a year, why not.

I do realise that the amount in my bank account is depleting rather drastically, along with payments made to apply for graduation and IELTS test. No fret, I can just take some money from my savings. No choice.

On this very morning, on the final few days of June 2011, I decided that it was time to clear some debts and sort out my Excel sheet.

Looks like I'll be needing a second job and time to challenge myself to spend very wisely. Of course, shopping is now out of the question.

On the bright side, at least I had fun :)
As long as I am still alive, have a place to stay, food to eat, opportunity to work, friends and family by my side, money will come along :)

Have a great week!!!!!!!

Day off!

2011-06-19T00:11:00.006+10:00

I know that I am blessed in many ways. Yet, I often find reasons to be bitter and wish that I had this or that. If you don't already know, I am so desperate for a job. As in a proper 9-5 job that pays me more than minimum wage just so I can have a better life. I want to eat whatever I want without worrying about the bill later on. I want to buy without looking at price tags. Shopping should be guilt-free. I must go on a holiday every 6 months. Basically, I don't have to worry about money. However, I am well aware that for so long I have responsibilities, I will never be able to not worry about money. oh why must everything revolve around money! I was told that I am being a little too impatient. I can't wait to graduate and join the work force because I NEED MY MONEY. yes I am so desperate for money (fyi, I will never do anything illegal or stupid for money) I want to get my PR and graduate now.

ok let's not talk financial.

Exactly one week ago, this time, I was in Gold Coast!!! The trip went by so fast I am missing it already :(

Why is it that my pictures turn out so tiny!!! I'm sure there is a way to fix it but I am just too lazy to figure it out now. Bare with it pleaseeee.

Oh, let me just say that I DON'T HAVE TO WORK TOMORROWWWWWW!!!
I am going to make sure that I treasure every single minute of tomorrow!!!! I have been working ever since I got back from my trip up until today (which is a Saturday). And I am scheduled to work everyday next week from monday to saturday. why am I so hardworking? A part of me is glad for the working hours because more hours means more pay. but a part of me is dreading it because I'm suppose to be on winter break! I guess money > holiday. oh well..... furthermore, sales are everywhere at the moment. Yay to stock take sale! more shopping = more money = more work hours.

I am so upset at the moment because my part-time job takes up so much of my time and energy!!!!! Can I have day offs and still be able to sustain my need for shopping? :(
I have yet to recover from my extended holiday and the shock from being way over budget for the trip. I truly believe in work life balance and the need to recover from a trip before heading back to reality.

How long has it been?

2011-06-02T11:56:00.002+10:00

oh hello. that is if anyone still remembers minicoops.blogspot.com.
I am currently down with the usual flu + dry cough. some sickness i ALWAYS get during the transition to winter here in Melbourne. so yes, it is officially the second day of winter. however, I like to believe that winter came a few weeks earlier because it has been raining every other day for the past few weeks. Thank God for having mercy on us, the sun is now out but sadly, winter is here. So, it is still cold.

Ok when someone starts talking about the weather, it means that there is really nothing to talk about or just avoiding a certain topic.

i shall not avoid. enough of weather talk.

I have come to realize that my blog is a space for me to complain and vent out all my self-pity. As much as I like to complain, it annoys me. So for the better of everyone's eyes and for the sake of my own, I decided to take some time off writing self-pity and frustration posts on my blog and move on to facing the real deal - live life.

To turn my life around, I have been working/studying on weekdays and attempt to play hard on weekends. On weekends, I shop, eat, sleep, clean the house, laze around and occasionally, some outdoor fun. I can say that I am contented with my life now as it is, BUT, there is always much room for improvement.

At 23, being too comfortable is not a good thing. It's all about explore explore explore, right?

Oh and so I signed up for a diving course this year end. YAY.

Just a few weeks back, I went for a kayak trip with some friends. Hmmmm I guess some fun is best kept to ourselves. Let's just say it was an unforgettable trip and it will be something that we will all be thankful for. hehe.

on to studies, Semester 1 has ended and every student in Monash, except me, is currently in exam mode. I'm so glad to be done with exams!!!! However, I do have a MAJOR report due tomorrow. And speaking of which, I should be working on that now :p

I am happy to say that I found my mojo to blog once again. This time around, I will flood this blog with fun happy moments with a lot less sadness. OK?

I'm thinking HK style french toast for lunch, then continue to work on my report. okbye.

First quarter of the year

2011-04-04T21:52:00.002+10:00

It has been a busy few days. It was meant to be an exciting Sunday when we gathered at 12pm and headed to the shooting range eager to fire our first shot on the rifle. Sadly, there was an ongoing competition that prevented us from our experience. It's alright, we'll be back soon. An impromptu trip to a game of laser tag brought us to a day filled with arcade games, bowling AND laser tag for only $16! Couldn't be happier :)

After 2 rounds of bowling, it has proven that I SUCK AT BOWLING! Am I really that bad at sports?! It's hard to believe when I use to do tracks and play sports. My ego is hurting me and I need to be back in form! I promised myself to pick up a sport other than gym. promise. I've also learned that one day if I should have any kids, they are allowed to play sports and computer games. Moderately of course. It'll be good to stimulate the fun-side of a child. The more I think about how lousy I was at bowling, the more I dislike myself for being lazy at sports!!!

Just a few hours ago, I questioned myself if I feel like my age. I don't. Honestly, I very much feel like I am 19 and still very very curious about a lot of things. Hmmmm I'm still not very experienced am I? There's so much out there to feed my empty cup!

Time to bring out the camera and have some picture time. I'm getting bored of this blog.

Currently:

2011-03-27T22:54:00.003+11:00

Sunrise, beach, macaroons, Ben&Jerry's chunky monkey, Green tea & Durian ice-cream, Mango smoothie, fried oreo's, spicy hot chips, Mocha Jo's ceaser salad, brown bag, new purse, shoes, jackets, denims, floral's, mustard scarf, friends back home, my room in Malaysia, that dream job, gym, socks/tights, satay, Hokkien mee, holiday....

how long has it been? not that long

2011-03-26T01:59:00.003+11:00

I don't think I have been using my brain much lately because I can barely remember when and what was the last post about. As much as I dislike studying for exams or tests, I actually think that it works well in stimulating the brain and I can remember things better. Ever since my last exam, I find my memory getting worst as I have less brain-stimulating stuffs to think or remember. This is what happens when you've been on a 3 months holiday doing nothing. I LOVE BEING LAZY.
But I think it's time to put a stop to it. My career and residency status in Melbourne is at stake and I should be more worried thinking of ways to achieve what I really want in life.

So I finally remembered and found the time to finish off the movie 'The Pursuit of Happiness" played by Will Smith and son. I think I watched the movie some year back but since I have a habit of watching a show halfway then leave it for the next time, I tend to forget finishing the other half of the show. To my surprise, my last memory of the movie stopped at the part where Will Smith was at the basketball court with his on-screen/off-screen son. Quote, unquote never let anyone tell you what you can't do. You must protect your dream. OK, that is really what I need to hear, right now, at this moment.

I'm currently at a crossroad thinking which path to take. Before, it was crystal clear to me. Now, I'm doubtful and that's not good. Once the doubt comes in, the confidence drops and I get the urge to leave, like I did many times in many areas of my life. Today, I realize what a quitter I can be and how my determination sometimes falls through like it never happened. Just like that time when I picked up ballet and decided to give up because I got bored of repeating the same routine. Just like that last time when I decided to give art a go and I gave up because I got bored. Just like that time I was so determined that I will finish my electric piano lessons but gave up because I had exams as my excuse. Those mentioned were just a few of the 'give ups' I had in my 24 year old life.

So as I was saying, I am a little uncertain of my path now that graduation is becoming real. I felt like a student for a long time and had no pressure in my future career. Now, career seminars and career fairs are slapping on my face for a reality check. Is this really what I want or am I just doing it because it is the right thing to do?

This is my transition period. From a student to a young adult creating her life. I can almost feel myself leaving my parents shelter and moving to a place I will soon create.
It is alright. One way or another, my path will show and I will be on my way to my Chanel bags and mini cooper.

I have a plan and I should elaborate further when I actually get to execute it.

Stay healthy and happy everyone.

1000 Awesome Things

2011-02-13T19:54:00.003+11:00

Sometimes we need reminders to remind us how awesome our lives are :)

If you need a reminder, please visit: http://1000awesomethings.com/

Since it's a Sunday, Im gonna share with you a photo of my family during Christmas service in church.

yes, the chairs sure are comfy. The perfect chair to put anyone to sleep :p

haha my life is awesome.

Have an awesome week ahead!

family photos to start the rabbit year

2011-02-12T05:13:00.004+11:00

more angpao's pleaseeeeee

2011-02-06T04:27:00.003+11:00

Happy Chinese New Year!! :))

The Rabbit year is here once again. It is my 2nd Rabbit year. Guess how young I am.

May this year be another eventful year for everyone ;) Stay healthy, Stay happy.

Slam it to the left if you're having a good time

2011-01-14T15:32:00.002+11:00

Did you grow up with Spice Girls? I did.
Yes it's time to spice up your life with some positivity ;)

True story

2011-01-12T02:45:00.005+11:00

weheartit via LeLove

I took a pencil and wrote

2011-01-10T04:25:00.003+11:00

Being on a holiday means losing track of time. and I'm proud to say that I've succeeded in doing so. Everyday is a Sunday. How awesome is that? :D
I go to bed every night thinking - yayyyy no school tomorrow and no deadlines!! woohoo!!

But I guess happy moments don't last very long. God is fair.
Today I came to realization that my holiday is coming to an end. Just 5 weeks to go and hello please study and graduate. It felt so much better before the new year came cause mentally there is still so much more play time. My holiday ends next year. IELTS? it can wait. No JiaWei you can't procrastinate any longer. Your IELTS test is next Wednesday. You have slightly a week more to prepare and if you're not ready, you can start packing because you'll be heading home next year. Can you feel my fear now? i guess not.

So I tried an online Listening test (IELTS consists of listening, reading, writing and speaking test) and did miserably. I need a band 8 but I only scored 7. Can you feel my fear?

I may be conversing with you in english but technically I'm not from an english speaking country, therefore english is not my first language. So they say in the IELTS website and the reason why I have to go through with this test in order for the land of kangaroos to believe that I can actually understand and survive among the angmoh's.

Just moments ago, I took a pencil and wrote down my 'task's for tomorrow'/the week ahead. There are currently 5 to-do's on the list. I guess bumming around for a month is taking its toll on me. Being lazy lead me to think that I'm incapable of completing anything. What if I'm not ready for the test? =///////

Can you feel my fear now?

i guess not :((((

It's gonna be a busy week ahead. I need to pray. God lift my burdens. Amen.

I guess exaggerating is part of being on a holiday.

If he's in my dreams, please don't wake me up

2011-01-04T15:56:00.004+11:00

Sources: Internet

Crossing the year to 2011.

2011-01-03T19:49:00.003+11:00

2010 seemed so recent. It felt like just yesterday I was at Carman's place ushering in 2010 with his friends and family. We welcomed the year of the Tiger and gave hugs and wishes to everyone present. My internship came to an end as Chinese New Year approaches. I do what I usually do for Chinese New Year, visiting relatives and heading back to my mom's hometown in Kluang. Soon after, my holiday in Malaysia came to an end and I was on my way back to Melbourne.

Melbourne was the same as before and it felt like home. I saw the boy after 7 weeks and it felt good. I moved into a new home with new housemates and we became closer than ever. The house in Melbourne felt like home and it was a place we all longed for when away from our Malaysian home. We cooked, we cleaned, we laughed, we studied, we slept, we showered, we had parties.. it was a perfect home :)

Semester started and the students at home were determined to start afresh and study hard for the year. I made a promise to myself that I'll let the past be a motivation for me to move forward. I gave up partying and took my studies seriously like never before.

Easter came and the bunch of us in Melbourne embarked on a trip to Adelaide and had by far the best dimsum in Australia.

After Easter, my life was all about studying, cooking, relaxing, shopping, sleeping, cleaning and brunch on weekends. I finally felt like a student having the perfect campus life, where I met new friends from all parts of the world and feeling accomplished every night when I head to bed.

September came and the event that I've been organizing with a group of friends came to reality. The sold out event was the best reward for all the effort that we've put in. Most of all, we quickly became friends and it became one of the best part of my uni life :)

After 2 major exams and release of results, I was on a place back to Malaysia for a long holiday. This time around, I was excited to be home for a real holiday free from work, with the aim to spend time with friends, family and myself :)

It felt awesomely good to be home in my own room, feeling how it was like to be home and put all the year's hard work to a rest.

I have become more matured and independent in my own ways. I proved to myself that I can do whatever I want if I put my heart into it and I am now ready to take on more challenges. There are times I feel short on life but I have learnt to appreciate what I already have. To conclude 2010, I thank God for all the blessings that He has given me and for He has not forsaken me through times of trouble.

Counting my blessings, 2011 will be another great year for growth mentally and spiritually.

To everyone out there, Have fun and embrace 2011! Forget the past and move on to a new start. Believe in God, believe in yourself and you'll move mountains. Just, believe and have faith :)

Cheers to 2011!

no other excuse, just lazy

2010-12-28T22:08:00.002+11:00

My wish has been granted. for all I do now is eat, watch korean series, surf the net, laze around, meet up with friends, shopping and spend time with the family.

So the usual questions:
1. When are you graduating?
next year end.

2. How long is your course?
4 years.

3. Why is it taking you so long to complete?
cause i failed. (thanks i loveeeee being asked this question)

4. Are you planning to stay back after graduation?
yes i am.
Provided if I score an almost full marks for IELTS and my determination is great enough to sustain me through the gruesome period of getting a PR and landing an awesome job.

5. How long will you be back for holidays?
3 months. Leaving after Chinese New Year.

So, above are the Top 5 questions I've been asked ever since stepping foot back in Malaysia. If it's not obvious enough, I really DON'T enjoy being asked about my graduation. It's something I look forward to yet despise at the same time. I just can't get over it! Ignore me if you have to.

Other than that, being home had been good. Though sometimes, it makes me wonder what will life be like if I've never left home. Whatever it is, I'm glad I did and as much as I love Malaysia as home, for the near future, I'd like to be away and explore places other than my comfort zone. So for the remaining days of 2010, I'm thankful for all the decisions I've made thus far, happy with the people I've met, glad for the things I've went through (good/bad) and eternally grateful for my family and friends.

omg my baby sister is 9 years old today. Will talk about her birthday celebrations soon! heading out for dinner bye.

korean drama love

2010-12-16T01:35:00.003+11:00

Currently watching: Marry me, Mary.

source: Google image

*** someday, i'll be wearing converse shoes for my wedding photo.

without wings.

2010-12-14T15:03:00.004+11:00

So after all the crazy packing and shifting, im finally back in my room in Malaysia. Of the 2 weeks I've been home, I've spent 98% of my time with my family and a family trip to Bali. The rest of the 2% was spent on me-time and friends. Yesterday, I spent 98% of my time catching up with myself and drowned myself in Korean drama.

Malaysia had been good. But not good enough because I don't have a car I call my own. Hence feeling like a bird without wings.

For this is my last summer break before graduation, I've decided to take a break off any internship and enjoy the holidays. but things are not turning out quite like it. all my friends are at work and everyone is busy with their life. i foresee myself screaming at boredom. i think it starts now. i've been a planner. and having an empty calender with no plans ahead freaks me out for i am wasting my precious time doing nothing but watching TV series.

Fickle minded as always, I'll be screaming for me-time when my calender gets a lil too crowded with plans.

sigh, such is the life of a person who is not satisfied with life. please forgive me. im on a holiday.

Choke Carman get back here RIGHT NOW.

Officially summer

2010-12-02T01:30:00.002+11:00

Summer break is finally here. The campus is scarily quiet and empty. My room has been cleaned out. I've bought containers and brought out boxes to store my stuff for the holidays. I've packed my bags for home. The house is still as messy but somehow it is what makes it feels like home. I've never felt this way. Same time last year, there wasn't really much time to sit and ponder on the year that has passed. Everything went in the speed of light and now it is the last month of another year. I dislike this feeling of leaving a place that I've grown so comfortable with. The house was almost perfect. I love having the girls around. Because we're so comfortable with each other it makes talking, laughing and crying so much more at ease. Just 2 flights of stairs away, I have that one person that I know I can depend on no matter what.

Pretty soon, my peers will be dressed up in graduation gowns, receiving certificates from the Chancellor, taking pictures and throwing hats in the sky. How I wish I was one of them. I have always wondered if my parents and siblings were disappointed when they found out that their trip to Melby would have to be postponed for another year. I'm happy to see the smiles on the faces of my peers. The talk of graduation, career and the future ahead of them. So many of them, I'm not sure if we'll ever cross paths again. Best of luck to them and I'm glad to have met every single one of them :) Unknowingly, I've known my classmates for 4 years. As for me, now, what will next year be without all the familiar faces?

I'll be home real soon. This summer break better be a BLAST!

I've spent the past few days watching Korean drama. sighhhh I cant express how much I love the occasional romance comedy type of series that makes me go lovey dovey and fluffy inside my stomach. More series and more romance please. I'd like to be in a fantasy during my holidays.

i should have the time but i cant seem to find the time

2010-11-25T00:28:00.002+11:00

I've been on summer break for a week now. The weather is still a little crazy. I enjoy the sunny days but it's really not that fun when the house doesn't come with air-conditioning. For the holidays, I've been catching up with friends, eating a whole lot, spending a whole lot, catching up on sleep, slack, finished all my tv series, did some major cleaning on the toilet and kitchen area, attempt to tidy up my room but failed big time as I proceeded to pack for the holidays. I'm shifting to a new home next year and it is a pain to pack/unpack all the rubbish/treasures I have collected for the 2 years I have been here. And that pretty much summarizes my one week.

I really can't stand the sight of my current website and it is in my after-exam-list to do a major clean-up of this site. BUT, I'm just too lazy. not very friendly with html's. Laters.

how interesting

2010-11-12T13:44:00.003+11:00

I think it has been more than a year that I used this blog as a dumping site for all my unhappiness. this has to stop! Whenever I log into my account, all I can think about is the anger I have in me and all matters that make me unhappy. I guess I find it more appropriate to let out my frustrations here than to people around me. I scrolled back to a few recent posts and all I read is - sad sad sad and sad. Things changed. I don't see what's so interesting with my life anymore when all I do is attend classes, study for finals, cook, head out for the occasional brunch/dinner, grocery shopping.. no more pictures on outings and parties. I think the last I step foot into a club was a few months back? oh and I've been 'trying' to save, in terms of money. Living within a budget is not fun! I love Melbourne for the sales they have throughout the year. But it's really taking a toll on me financially. I haven't been shopping much, but once I do, I'll be cooking in for the next month or so. In my attempt to save in terms of money, I've taken up cooking. Cooking proper food at a lower cost and it does not include instant noodles. i guess i have Masterchef Australia to thank for. I'm totally hooked on and inspired by the TV show, I really don't mind putting that extra effort to cook up something yummy. On a scale from 1 to 10, I'm probably a 4 now? Gosh do you know cooking can be really expensive, especially when you need the proper cooking utensils and fresh raw materials for a good dish? I have a few recipes in mind that I hope to try out after my exams.

So now you see why I say my life isn't so interesting anymore? Because I stay home most of the time, watching Masterchef and cooking up a storm in the kitchen during my free time. Not to forget, nowadays, I'd rather stay home and watch 10 episodes of series than go crazy in a club. I see the joy in good food and the joy of just doing nothing at no cost!

Seriously, is this what 23 year old's do?

In less than a weeks time I'll be done with my exams. And I'm gonna get out of this boring lifestyle of mine and embrace my loooooooooooong summer break. It's gonna be summer and i'm heading home!

i am

2010-11-12T00:41:00.002+11:00

terrified.

Skip button no more

2010-11-05T09:58:00.002+11:00

One of the many things that I avoid. But I figure it is now time to take this song out of the 'to-avoid-list'.

nothing should stop me

2010-11-04T00:17:00.003+11:00

a conversation lead me to realize how unhappy I feel about myself. As cheerful and as fine I may appear, it is really not that hard to put up a face for everyone to see. i miss what I had and losing it made me feel that I have lost the right to be happy. No longer I feel proud of my achievements. I don't feel comfortable talking about it anymore and constantly hope that none will ask any questions regarding my education. yes you hear me. I was never a person to compare result and/or brag about it and never will. When I say 'let's not talk about it', I really mean 'I don't want to talk about it' full stop. I really really really want to hide when it comes to studies. Like, literally, hide and not talk about it. maybe one day when I start my first job and am satisfied with where my education has brought me to, I will talk about it. Until then, leave my education alone. All you have to do is wish me all the best for my exams and that's all i need thank you very much. Graduation don't seem so fun and exciting anymore. no i wont be graduating this year.

##

what im about to say is gonna make me sound like an ungrateful spoiled brat. I WANT A NEW CAMERA! note: W.A.N.T
along with the camera, I'd love to go on a holiday and a shopping spree.

wishlist aside, I am currently waiting for 'the day', where I'll spend my day roaming the city streets/lanes, visit Victoria Market, read a book, have a pastry/cupcake, and a good cup of mocha flat white.

oh, remember this song?

taking a breather

2010-10-30T00:59:00.002+11:00

my mind is currently in a mess. exams, holiday plans, accommodation, friends, family, home, relationship, future, career, weather, money, food... there's so much to think about and i can't set my mind straight focusing on one thing at a time. this calls for an emergency time off studies and everything else. it's me-time. time to re-connect with me.

----

once upon a time, everything was simple and straightforward. there was nothing to hide. i confessed my love, i talked of hatred, i spoke my mind, almost everything i had in mind was blurted out in words, in this space i call mine. today, i felt the urge to share something personal that has been bugging me for some time. but the thought of who might be reading it lead me to the delete button. there is always that 'just in case' moment. what happened to being me and not let others judgment get in the way? without realizing, im becoming the adult like all other adults. to be secretive, personal and cautious. im always on the safe side and not let my impulse get to me. what happened to - just do it?

---

Currently on loop: The Story by Zee Avi

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Tell me everything.

Thoughts for the day

2010-10-21T16:59:00.002+11:00

Weather had been so perfect these few days I've been showing some legs and soaking up the sun every opportunity I get to step out the house. Just hope this weather stays longer than a week.

Honestly I have not been the happiest these past month due to certain issues but I've found a way to get it out of my system. I'm perfectly healthy and surrounded by wonderful family and friends. That's good enough for me to be happy and celebrate everyday.

Chicken fingers are so yummy! They are smaller version's of chicken nuggets in a longitudinal shape with slightly more crisp on the outside. Thanks Sheau Chin. If not for you, I would have never came across this $2.90 per packet chicken fingers.

So my peers are THIS close to graduating from a Bachelor of Chemical Engineering degree. Im happy for them, but not so happy for myself. yeayeayea it's not the end of the world for me but I like to think that it is. Some sort of motivation for me to do better in the future.
If you don't already know, I have a certain pride and believe in me that these few stones are not gonna keep me away from my path.

Every semester I take on a certain study environment. My study environment usually varies from morning, afternoon, late afternoon, night, very late at night, in my personal space and library. This semester, I haven't quite figured it out yet but I'd like to say a combination of morning, afternoon, night and in my personal space. Based on the combination, just stay away form messing with my studies cause my exam starts next week and I gave myself the right to be the queen in my room, at least.

Im soooo looking forward to after exams. There are already a few plans and to-do's in my mental list. More to come!! my aim - to have the utmost fun on my summer holiday as a student.

note to self:

2010-10-20T02:24:00.002+11:00

Tomorrow will be a new day filled with textbooks, notes, tutorials, past tests, past exams and a whole lot of studying/revision.

need to scream

2010-10-14T08:39:00.002+11:00

some people can be such good friends but with an attitude that makes me want to slap punch that fella's face ten thousand times. don't freaking commit to anything if you're not up for it. makes me sick.

I want

2010-10-13T13:55:00.002+11:00

a new camera.

my parents did say that we can discuss my 23rd birthday present when i get back end of this year. can i hope that i'll have a new camera before Feb 2011?

on a side note, slight showers have been going on since 9.30am. sigh IF ONLY i didn't have classes and exams to worry about i could have just stayed in bed and watch episodes of Make it or Break it.

The fear

2010-10-08T10:54:00.002+11:00

Fear. I've yet to come across a person who has no fear. One may be very strong in many ways but there will always be fear somewhere somehow. Fear has been something that I've struggled with for the past few days. not that I never had fear until now, but it has been more significant. Admitting to fear is scary. Subconsciously, avoiding seems like the better option. Whether it is by distracting my attention with something else or getting myself busy with friends and studies, whatever it is, it is still better than facing the fear and having to come up with a decision. Circumstances may have forced me into making decisions. Some Im proud of, some I regret. One of the biggest fear I face is the outcome of my decisions. Will it be bad? How bad? When? Who will be involved? So many questions for the future. Carrying the fear on my shoulders makes me forget about the moment. The moments I had, having and will be having. So is fear good or bad? Good fear? Bad fear?

I fear I may never make my parents proud. I fear that I'll disappoint myself over and over again. I fear that my future will be a blur. I fear that I may not get a job next year to pay for my living expenses. I fear that I'll be judged based on my academic results. I fear for my parents and family back home. I fear for my grandmother. I fear that I'll never have the money to travel. I fear that I'll lose contact with friends who matters to me. I fear that life is too routine and I'm losing out all the fun. I fear that I may not have enough time to prepare for my finals. I fear that I won't be able to handle my final year project, alone. I fear being alone and none understands what I'm going through. I fear that God will forget. I fear that my actions will hurt ones feelings. I fear for so many things and it makes me realize that Im such a coward.

Facing my fears starts today.

Rain, lightnings and yesterdays dinner

2010-10-06T20:02:00.004+11:00

Had been awhile since it rained this badly in Melbourne. Well not that I can remember. It freaks me out a little to see the lightning right outside my window, twice in a day. Because this doesn't happen often, I wasn't sure if the house is safe from such thunderstorm. Was in the rain for a bit when I was on my way back from uni and surprisingly I wasn't freezing to death. I guess I can finally say bye to winter, for now. It's gonna be shorts, dresses, flip-flops, sandals, sunnies, cold drinks and a whole lot of ice-cream!! can't wait. just hope that a few weeks down the road, I don't eat my own words when the weather gets too hot. because it happens =/

Below is what I had yesterday for dinner. I cooked! hohoho.
sigh, im REALLY considering a new camera. the pictures are..just...bad...

Japanese curry on crispy chicken fillet, served with rice and lettuce.
yum!

Im hungry and Im waiting for my KFC.

Don't be discouraged

2010-10-05T16:47:00.002+11:00

It is true that I don't see what's new with failure. i appreciate the concern yet i don't mind living without. now is my time to be alone.

Song of the day: True Color, by Cyndi Lauper.

Breakfast at 2.30 PM

2010-10-04T13:10:00.000+11:00

Today is my first day back in class after a pathetic one week break that doesn't feel like a break at all because i spent half my break cooped up at home doing lab report/studying for tomorrow's test.

A little bit reluctant to study and im sleepy as hell. monday/post-holiday blues? im aware that's just an excuse.

Anyway, on a random Thursday, someone lazy took a day off work to celebrate his one year since his first day at work. Coincidentally, there is this place that I've heard so much about and have been wanting to try but never really got the chance to.
That Thursday, was the day.

Some place behind the bushes and right in front of a tram stop, we see..
MART 130.

Food we ordered.

mine. Beans on sourdough. Soooooo yummyyyyy!

his. Corn fritters with bacon strips. I loveeee the corn fritters. Bacon was not crispy enough for my liking.

the 'faster take your pictures, im hungry and i wanna eat' look

it was obvious that i need more sleep. look at those eye bags. how pretty.

Didnt take any photos of the surrounding cause the shop was pretty empty that day and i was shy. next time next time..

Time for lunch then STUDY!
Bye.

This is for my sister

2010-10-02T21:22:00.000+10:00

Tic Tic Tour
featuring America's Best Dance crew 'Poreotix' and Australia's Got Talent winner 'Justice Crew'!!

Bottom line:
IT WAS SO SO SO SO GOOD!!!

From TV to live performance. Im so glad I had the chance to see them live :)))
my mouth was hanging wide seeing how they move and dance with such choreography and how synchronize they are as a team.

However, my vote stays with Justice Crew cause I've been a follower of Australia's Got Talent. So, im biased in that sense.

To my sister who loves to dance,
I bet you'll go crazy seeing their live performance ;)

Above are just very short clips of their performance. I could have taken down the whole performance in video but I chose to enjoy the moment instead :p nothing like a live dance show!

things i try not to say

2010-10-02T02:07:00.002+10:00

i want everyone to know that i won't be graduating this year. i must have said it many times but it just feels better to let this statement out once awhile. every now and then i get this breakdown whereby i question myself for the mistakes i made. a mental evaluation will be conducted to evaluate my progress in studies and weighing the chances of me landing on a job after my graduation. i like to think of the extreme. the extreme when plan don't go accordingly. currently the study plan has side-tracked a fair bit. my future is a blur. im not sure which company would want to hire someone like me, who has such bad results. to console myself, i like to believe that there will be someone out there who will give me my second chance and allow me to prove that im worth the try, as an employee. i learn fast and im very dedicated to my work. will i be able to impress my future interviewers that im one of a kind despite my lousy results? but isn't engineering all about results :(

friends are leaving. one by one they graduate and all my peers are talking about work and applying for permanent residents in australia. meanwhile, i stay as a student and probably have lunch alone from next year july onwards.

life is going to be hard. a rough journey ahead, possibility with no proper route because i've opt for off-track some months back. because im such a believer in no regrets, i make myself believe that things happen for a reason and i should be grateful instead. everyone should know that im lying. im upset to the bottom ground but i can't mention/complain too often as i think my friends and boyfriend is pretty sick of it by now.

my eyes are heavy, my stomach is filled with gas and im still pretty stuffed from the chicken souvlaki i had for a very late dinner.

today marks the end of my mid-semester break. finals starts in a months time. it's time to focus. let this be the last semester i set foot in an exam hall. allow me to make new friends and i can learn to love my year 4 projects.

it is upsetting to learn that your boyfriend will never understand or be interested in what you're going through, mainly because you've said it too many times and you're just not in the same career field as he is. how do you expect a cow to understand the life of a chicken? bad example, but as long as it works.

Monash Inter-Campus Ball 2010

2010-10-01T12:30:00.000+10:00

6 months ago I was a newbie to MUISS. Having applied for a position in the committee was accidental and I have a friend named Jeannie Wu to thank for. After going through the interview and was informed that I was given a position in the committee, I had no idea what was I getting myself into. There was only 2 ways this will end - good or bad.

A few weeks into the committee, I attended my first Saturday meeting, which honestly, I was very reluctant to go to. This meeting brought international students organization from all of 6 Monash campuses around Melbourne together. Of the matters discussed during the meeting, one of it was the Inter-ISO (International students organization) Ball. Every year, each campus sends representatives from their ISO to form a committee that will organize an annual ball, mainly catered to international students. The ball aims to enhance international student bond and to bring all the 6 campuses together for a one night event. There were many other objectives for this ball but it's gonna be a bore to have it listed out here.

Approximately 5 months worth of planning and trips to as far as Gippsland for meetings, the day came when all those plannings in paper and in head came to live :)

the girls from MUISS with Ms. Prez (first on the left)

One of the most patient man I've seen around
Chairman of the event: Steven Cheah

With Guri and Beatrice

Jocelyn, Steven, Unknown guy and Akila, in purple and suspenders ;))

With long time friend, Wei Yun and MUISS's Ms Prez, Kellie :)

When everything was boxed up and the ball committee hid aside playing with helium balloons.

The outcome was amazing, And that's all that mattered :)

OK, what's next?

Kids nowadays

2010-09-27T02:07:00.002+10:00

I am embarrassed. Kids aging between 9 and 12 years old cooks wayyyyyy better than my housemates combined :(

Currently 23 years old, I'm learning from them kids and getting their recipes off the net at www.masterchef.com.au.

Mainly because those recipe's are kids friendly, means they are easy to prepare and SHOULD be yummy if done the right way.

Im inspired to cook alright!

it's all about the money

2010-09-24T13:58:00.002+10:00

i spent one whole hour trying to fix my blog template but it failed miserably. something about html's that i just cant seem to understand. in other words, i'm just too lazy to go through all the html tutorials. shall leave that for another day. meanwhile, i'll have to live with the default header until i have time to come up with a new one.

life in melbourne is a routine of going for classes during the weekdays and heading out for brunch and grocery shopping on weekends. im pretty sick of the routine but i dont see any way of coming out of it. is there a way to break the routine without involving extra cash spent? cause anything exciting involves money. so staying home seems like the best way to avoid the extra cash spent. or maybe, im just not a risk taker/spontaneous/adventurous enough to break the boring lifestyle. im still young. at this age, i only have 2 things to consider - 1. study hard 2. play hard.

im not sure if the words have spread but my laptop of 18 months is currently brain dead. after having 2 laptops not surviving through the age of 2, i've started to believe that im jinxed in some way. my relationship with laptops and printers are never smooth. every 18 months, i have to admit either one, one way or another. usually, they die in a sudden death. to my parents, i thank you both for the constant financial support. without both of you, my life would have been miserable without a new laptop and a new printer to replace the old one.

yes, it's all about the money.
within a month, my account balance dropped by half and im on the verge of sacrificing my end-of-semester trip before i head home.
Dear God, please let this jinx be lifted off and may this current laptop and printer serve me well for the years to come.

i love my parents.

Changes

2010-09-10T11:02:00.000+10:00

Time for a change!

Always something new

2010-09-09T14:55:00.003+10:00

9th September 2010 (Thursday)

Being a part of a student organization reminded me of how much fun school/uni can be. The people I meet, the problems to solve, getting to know the structure of the campus, the new friends found.. it's fun!

The fun is good, but sometimes, having to work with people from different backgrounds - not so fun.

I like to call it weird. How different people come around. How they act how they work how they deal with things how they speak. It's..interesting. Sure it does get on my nerves sometimes but hey, im sure someone somewhere is calling me weird.

At 23 years old, I'd like to think that I have come across all sorts of people. but im wrong. many a times, i'm still shocked with the ignorance, irresponsibility, unreliable, lazy, full of excuses, all talk and no action type of behavior. Jeezzz, where did they all come from?? Im surprised when i was a kid, my parents never warned me of the different types of people around. the true meaning of complicated is now known.

everyday, i learn something new.

today, it's people. and i believe, with all the different types of people around, i will never have enough of them.

sometimes, friends should just stay friends. being working partners kills the friendship, silently.
how sad.

mentally disabled

2010-08-25T22:09:00.002+10:00

25th August 2010 (Wednesday)

do you know how important the laptop and internet connection is to me?

VERY.

my laptop is currently in the chinese computer shop waiting to be fixed. i have work to do but i cant get to it cause the files are not compatible with the current laptop im using. i miss those series saved in my laptop. what im trying to say is, i feel so disabled without my laptop, i dont see a reason to stay home anymore.

gah, technology. what have you done to human beings.

i need my laptopppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp :((((((((

Tell me how to manage

2010-08-21T22:33:00.002+10:00

21st August 2010 (Saturday)

People management is one of the worst things one can ever do. Everyone is different and unique in their own way. There is no way you can manage a group of people using the same approach. Im out of ideas and it's really challenging me to the depths of the ocean how high my patience level is until one day im just gonna throw everything and walk away.

If only im that spontaneous.

I've got my feet wet. im gonna get it done and no regrets. just so you wait!!!!!!

Friends

2010-08-15T12:03:00.002+10:00

15th August 2010 (Sunday)

Like any other mornings, I checked my e-mail. Today, among the e-mails I received since last night, one of them reads the sender name as Mahaletchumi Paramjothy.
Whatever the content in that e-mail, just the sight of it puts a smile on my face :)
Because I've been away from home, away from my friends for the longest time ever, Im not denying the fact that I miss them. I may be having a good time being away, meeting new friends, doing new stuffs. But at the end of the day, when things are at its hype or when it takes a bad turn, I'll have in my mind the first thing : if only I was home, I'd know what to do.

I guess this is all a part of leaving your comfort zone.

Soon I'll be turning 23.
Counting back from 10 years ago, the birthday celebrations were stupid and cheap. But, to me, they were the best because all that matters is, the company :))

friday plans?

2010-08-06T09:00:00.003+10:00

6th August 2010 (Friday)

Friday is the start of a weekend.
At 9 AM in the morning, as I'm waiting for the water to boil, Im currently setting up a plan for the day ahead. Im all set for the 'day' plans, but, what's for 'night'? at times like this, my non-existent spontaneous side of me should take over.

Happy Friday, it's time for a hot hot neslo :)

some things i'll never forget

2010-08-05T01:13:00.004+10:00

5th August 2010 (Thursday)

Age 16, never knew being involved in interact club would be so much of fun and experience. little did i know then that the little experience gained when organizing events will come to good use few years down the road.

Age 17, graduating from high school was scary yet exciting. Scared that I'll be distant from my close friends, excited that i'll be heading to college (no more school uniforms!!!!).

Age 18, in a class with only 3 girls. Never would have thought that engineering will be the field. my only intention was to give up biology. Met a bunch of guys. Good friends and someone important.

Age 19, attended the first ball in my life with uber ugly make-up, paid and done by Anna Sui. never again. i trust myself more and it's free. Someone important.

Age 20, started university. omg i cant believe i enrolled in engineering (that was 4 years ago).

Age 22, left for melbourne. started new chapter. said goodbye to someone important. had a miserable year with many downs and only three ups (family, friends, Carman).

Age 22+, joined MUISS and InterCampus Ball Committee.

Age 22++, time spent around studies, MUISS, meetings, boyfriend, friends, me-time.

Age 22+++, reminiscing the past at 1.23AM. With every decision I make, I take up a challenge that I'll never regret. That's how life should be - no regrets.

Isn't she lovely..

2010-08-03T00:44:00.007+10:00

3rd August 2010 (Tuesday)

Happy to be reminded of this song by Stevie Wonder :)

Enjoy the acoustic version :)))

there's just things i cant say out loud

2010-07-23T01:00:00.003+10:00

23rd July 2010 (Friday)

as humans, we're meant to study history. why history? so we know how things came about and learn from mistakes. of course, we never learn.

because one day i'll look back and laugh at these silly moments.
i confess that i linger in the past every now and then. it's something like taking a few steps forward, then take a step backward, just in case i forget how it used to be.

presence matters. and it's nothing but weird.
it's gonna take me an awfully long time to get past the past.

this post is full of hidden meanings so dont bother wasting time trying to figure out what i want to say. im currently buliding the courage to say it out. by then, i hope to say it right at your faces.

will it be a happy ending

2010-07-16T16:45:00.002+10:00

16th July 2010 (Friday)

On the other side of the phone, I hear my mom's voice. I hear that bit of joy from her. Some few hours later, I received a text from dad. I see that bit of joy in his words.

when the result shows, everything was worth it :)))

there's nothing I can do to time, but im sure the time spent will be something that i'll never forget. that fear that i have will be a motivation for taking risks and many more success to come.

im almost done with winter break

2010-07-13T00:32:00.005+10:00

13th July 2010 (Tuesday)

friends and family asked what have I been up to for the holidays. my answer had been 'nothing'.
nothing because I did not plan for a holiday 'getaway' to anywhere out of melbourne. the furtest i've been during this break is Gippsland? im happy to say that out of the 6 Monash campuses around Melbourne, I only have 1 left to visit. By August, I'll be able to say that I've visited all 6 Monash campus in Australia. I consider that an achievement.

Stuffs that i've been up to during the holidays? well I spent the first week rotting at home, watched Brazil's last match in World Cup 2010 playing against Netherlands, took me one whole day to get over the fact that Brazil was out of World Cup 2010, spent some cash on a mini shopping spree, had good food, caught up with friends, cooked, spent some time in the gym, had salad, drank coffee with a peaceful heart, went for brunch, cleaned my room, fixed my hair, slept, spent 1 week being a volunteer for MUISS, made new friends....

hmm, as far as I can see, my holiday wasn't so bad afterall. With some wining, complaining, lack of sleep.. i guess it was all worth it. at least, I was occupied and manage to tick some 'to-do' stuffs off my 'to-do' list.

one more week to go before im back to the same old routine. there are more brunch places to try, more friends to meet, a goodbye to bid, a road trip to be planned, and so much more to do! can i take 2 more weeks off school? cause im just not ready to face reality.

Girls night out with Momsy Cheong.
Loads and loads of fun and officially one of the best nights with the girls :))

ok thats all for holiday talk.

finally some time to do what i want to do

2010-07-01T11:26:00.002+10:00

1st July 2010 (Thursday)

i have exactly 90 minutes before my internet speed slows down massively and it takes 10minutes to load one website.

holidays has been great thus far. had my fair share of shopping, eating, sleeping, catching up with the girls, football, gym.. of course, with all the outings, my allowance is depreciating by the day. sorry parents.

today is a new month. wow its half a year gone. i have great plans in mind, but none being put into action. big big factor - financial issues.

i have plans to bake/improve my cooking skills. i guess the feminine side of me is taking charge. being able to cook is a notch up the stairs to being a woman.

a few things i have in mind at the moment:
- rock climbing
- gym
- travel
- markets
- hair cut
- paint my nails
- clean my room/wardrobe
- party
- post pictures on facebook
- meet up with friends
- trying out cafe's around town
- explore the city (with public transport)
- get some work done for the ball
- tv series
- more to come!

only 2 weeks of holiday left :(

i could really use a wish right now

2010-06-05T22:44:00.003+10:00

5th June 2010 (Saturday)

no call from home since last week. my parents and siblings forgot about me. and i did not call home on purpose. heh.

the week went by so fast. it's a daily routine of studying, eating, web-surfing breaks, fashion-blogs-stalking breaks, random trip to the city, 15mins-series during study break.... this is me getting closer and closer to my first paper for this semester. yes i could really use a wish right now.
because i panic easily when it comes to studies/exams, im trying real hard to stay calm. currently on loop in my head - stay calm stay calm you can do it study smart save time relax and all the other words of encouragement i could think of.

cant wait for exams to be over! there's like tonnes of things i plan to do during the break before next semester. no big plans but just some stuff that i've been yearning to do and will finally have the time to do it. eg - gym gym gym.

15minutes is up!

Back to class..

轻轻的问候

2010-05-25T02:20:00.004+10:00

tell me what's in your mind

2010-05-24T00:25:00.002+10:00

IM NOT HAPPY.

because all we talk about are others but never us. i don't hear us. i don't hear you. just, me.

tomorrow is a new day

2010-05-18T01:40:00.005+10:00

18th May 2010 (Tuesday)

hello how's life treating you.
im doing well, i guess. studies aside, i have new friends. im meeting a lot more people and liking the cultural effect. being away from home brought me closer to my roots. im proud as an asian, proud as a chinese. i realise being busy keeps me afloat. too much time in hand affects my efficiency. i actually work better with deadlines =/ what used to be play hard and work hard does not apply anymore as i now tend to work more and play a lot less. i think my parents would be proud of me doing so, but im not happy! i miss playing. i miss spending weekends out and about. people come and go visiting melbourne. it made me realise how much more is there to explore. i've been so comfortably wrapped up in a suburb, being in the city gives me headache. a resolution has been made: i need to be myself, again. to balance out work and play. fingers crossed. exams are nearing in 3 weeks time. my housemate just can't stop giving me the countdowns. ish. i hate that monash gives only one week of study week. hmmmm what's there for winter break? i cant wait. i miss camberwell market. dimsum this weekend? such a cliche, when im here, i miss home. when im home, i miss melbie. im shock to have met this new friend of mine, whose passion is in engineering, but forced to do business on parents wishes. the saying of 'the grass on the other side is always greener' is so true. some say that having brothers are a pain in the ass. but being the eldest and no older siblings, i sometimes wish to have that feeling of being loved/pampered by the elder sibling. 'blood is thicker than water' i love my sisters and can't wait to see them end of this year. mom just told me that bubble tea is bad for health. oh noessssss, i have to drink bubble tea, at least once a week. how :(

so i manage to blurt out what's currently on my mind.

once near, now so far

2010-04-27T12:17:00.002+10:00

When a new friend says 'wow, you've been in uni for such a long time.'

it's a lie to say that im at peace with the fact.

some are meant to pop up like this

2010-04-10T03:00:00.000+10:00

10th April 2010 (Saturday)

Hello stranger,
Happy One Year :))))))

Love you super duper a lotttttttt!

Classes from 9-6pm

2010-03-30T00:08:00.002+11:00

29th March 2010 (Monday)

It has been a long time since i felt this motivated! My Mondays are really pack for this semester, with classes from 9am - 6pm and 2 one hour break in between. Im so proud of myself!! By 6pm, I was mentally exhausted but I felt so proud of myself. It was an achievement :)))) Most Monday's, i'll be dragging my feet to every class and most of the time will not be able to sustain until 6pm =/
But today, I did it!!!!! WOOHOO. something to celebrate. heee.

Oh and not forgetting, 2 more days and im off to Adelaideeeeeee~~~~~
Been planning on an Easter trip since last December but cant seem to decide on the destination. Gold Coast was the initial plan, but got scrapped off since the flight tickets were comparatively more pricy than usual. And Adelaide it was!

So I was suppose to post the above last night but got carried away with my TVB series. Im done with that now. Figured I can reward myself by watching 6-7 episodes straight and, might as well finish the whole series. hohoho. felt soooooooo good!

Good Morning :)

Today is Tuesday, and I should reminisce on how my recent weeks/weekends were before I head off for Adelaide.

In summary,
-Had a number of good food days.
-Still detest from maggi because i think i had too much of it.
-Loving the new house and housemates more and more each day. pure fun.
-Studies are progressing slowly, but it wont be anymore after Easter break judging by the amount of tests and to-do's lined up in my schedule.
-Committed to MUISS. go figure.
-Had been more active in school activities, made new friends, and learnt new stuffs.
-Shopped, of course.
-Visited Cambie market. in loveeeeeeee with that place. it gives the Sunday vibe :)))))
-Supposed to plan for to-do's in Adelaide but have been lazy and pushing it aside. (will get it done today!)
-Plan, postpone-d, had our impromptu housewarming.
-In need of vacuum cleaner, plates and bowls for the house. SPONSORS NEEDED! :D
-In an attempt to improve my cooking skills.
-Consuming way too much of bubble tea. i like :)
-Weekdays consists of studies/eating/cooking. Weekends consists of sleeping/laundry/heading out/shopping/eating good food.
-Realise that I can speak too much for my own good. Sorry :(

I guess that's all i can think of. May have forgotten a thing or two. but i guess it doesnt really matter.

On a totally unrelated issue, I realise i dont quite understand the word 'contented'. If Im contented, I wouldnt be asking for more, would I? I would be complaining less on what I dont have, be happy for what i have, but unfortunately, i think the greed does not stop at being contented. There's always something somewhere that I want and I MUST GET IT. Sad to say, the cycle never ends. which means, I'll never stop wanting, even if you give me the whole world, it will never be enough. oh wellllll....

Have a great Tuesday.

20 minutes before i tuck in

2010-03-11T00:53:00.002+11:00

11th March 2010 (Thursday)

I have this habit of revising while in the showers. A time to recall on how my day was and some random thoughts. either that, i would spend my morning shower planning the day ahead or catching some mental sleep. often, the latter. new year resolutions are so so hard to keep. beginning of the year, i said to put more effort in achieving my aim for the year. mid-way to march, i dont see much effort. the power of laziness was greater than i thought. im just not ready to commit and set my mind straight. the rush from last semester to summer internship to shifting in a new home in melby was beyond crazy and im surprised at how time flew. the new home is now comfy and homey and im still on the spirit of holiday. reality check, my schedule scribbles 2 test this coming week. oh noes. a friend assumed that i was a good student. unfortunately, im not. with a 10% discount in head, im trying to calm myself down on the coming semesters/year. please please please please let me get over and done with. on the high side, it feels awesomely good to be a student. at least i have a choice over classes and breaks in between the hours. unlike working from 8-5, such robotic life is just not me. not at the moment at least. within 2 weeks of classes, i found out many of my already graduated friends are back in the studying scene, continuing their studies in masters. so the question was, why is everyone doing masters and not looking for a job instead? could be the PR application, could be the denial to step into the society. whatever the reason, every familiar face in melby contributes to the feeling of home and familiarity. so hooray to that. i probably will say this again and again for the next few months. im really really really super duper worried over my studies. i know i shouldnt be worry over the future, instead focus on the present and make full use of my second chance. but im just human and it's just so hard to push all the negative thoughts away and be cheery over the bright side. as much as i want to see rainbows and sunshine ahead of me, i have this gloomy day that comes by every now and then, maybe a bit too often based on current situation. easter is around the corner and so is a getaway from all this crap. may the happy thoughts fill my mind and soul. selamat malam.

Tomorrow is monday

2010-03-07T22:54:00.002+11:00

7th March 2010 (Sunday)

monday monday monday.
oh noes i've got classes tomorrow despite Labour Day :(

for the whole afternoon, it felt like i was on drugs and not myself.
my room doesnt feel like a room. sigh.

the debate to head back end of this year or early next year? Family trip or Work?
oh well, i followed my heart and made a decision :)

I have to say

2010-03-07T00:30:00.002+11:00

7th March 2010 (Sunday)

First week of class was good yet weird. School is still school. Most of the time I feel sleepy/lazy. same old same old.

**
Each day, the house gets homey-er. I like.
The storm hit my room. I need new containers to store my knick-knacks and a little re-arranging. Hopefully a tidy and clean room before the open house. fingers crossed.

**
Got my lazy bum to the outdoors. Kayaking was awesomely fun. Flipping myself underwater and getting out of it was unbelievable.
Oh it hailed rather heavily today. We were stuck for some 30minutes in Lysterfield Park. The area was flooded. The storm was so bad it actually flooded some cars parked at lower areas. I wonder what happened to those cars/owners. Thankfully ours were safe from the flood. Boy it was super cold.
hmmmmm, more outings?

**
Why do I have to bring the same topic up over and over again? Maybe cause im not getting the answer I want. Im such an ego. The end is not an end until I say so.
65 friends vs. 34 friends.
hui mynn, i lost :(

**
I have to admit that im jealous and unhappy over certain issues.

**
Sick of thinking the other way. I want it my way.

**
Bali or Australia?

**
Chaddy or sleep-in?

**
Im so sick and tired of cleaning my room but I cant stand the mess and ugly-ness.
My study table is in such a mess Im close to throwing everything out of the window.

**
Im so tired but im so frustrated over unsettled issues.

**
Damn you syndrome.

Melbourne Chapter 2

2010-02-28T18:25:00.003+11:00

28th February 2010 (Sunday)

Chapter 2 in Melbourne.

Exactly a week since i got back to melby. The last hug and goodbye with family until the time i step foot in my new home, everything felt surreal as i barely had the time to breathe since the start of Chinese New Year. For a moment it was the extreme heat back in my mom's hometown in Johor. The next, I was back in Subang getting ready for my last 2 days at work. On my last day of work, I start to appreciate the familiar environment. The people I came to know within my 3 months in the company. The familiar smell that surrounds the office and factory area. The cafeteria, the pantry, the colleagues. It's funny how I've grown to like my work environment and call it my comfort zone at the end of the day. Goodbye it was to Malaysia for the rest of the year. I wasnt able to say a proper goodbye due to time constrains. After being back in Melby for a week, i sometimes find it a dream to have gone back to Malaysia for 3 months. It's like a monsoon season, just passing by and now gone.

Being back in melby felt like home too. The walking. The people. The school. Everything feels the same. Within minutes, I was back to being a student. To clean my own room, do my own laundry, cereal for brunch, dinner at a restaurant, and maggi mee for lunch the following day. As i dig into my bowl of cereal with milk watching tv series from my laptop, I took a minute to gather my thoughts. School starts tomorrow. Im no longer living out of my luggage. There are still my stuffs at William's place that i've yet to collect.

Im just not ready for school.

Crossing out

2010-02-18T02:38:00.003+11:00

18th February 2010 (Thursday)

I started crossing out dates after interning for a month.
Both sad and happy, tomorrow shall be the last.

ps: thanks Jeannie for the calender :)))

Chillax

2010-02-06T22:20:00.003+11:00

6th February 2010 (Saturday)

-Last Saturday, i said Sunday nights/the eve of Monday is simply horrible.
-Weekdays turned out pretty good because i now have more thoughts to consider on my future. good thoughts.
-I also decided to put away the past and look at the present. more important, what's ahead of me. this was last Sunday's message from God.
-again, i wonder what first impressions i give. quiet? goody-2-shoes?
-you should know that i have a love for minicoops, ice-cream, red, converse, chanel, black, navy, white, me-time, shopping, shoes, flip-flops, big-t's, jeans, more clothes, more shoes.
-im not sure if many knows this, but i secretly love fashion. a lot. so much i cant survive without reading fashion blogs and drool over fashion i cant afford. i may not show it on myself, but i really really love fashion. i may not have the fashion sense, but i really really really love fashion.
-i can gobble down a whole lot of french fries/chips if not for the fear of getting obese over it.
-i have a big round face. full moon?
-my eyes are small and im proud of my chinese genes.
-im usually very lazy to exercise but the sweat keeps me going.
-currently im really addicted to gummy sweets.
-i miss melbourne, but i miss home too.
-my 19 year old sister can be annoying but she doesnt know i love her as much as i love my 9 year old sister.
-i love to party but i lost the energy for it.
-my current perfect chillax moment would be to sit in a cosy cafe, a good book, my ipod, my laptop, coffee+chocs, muffin, big-t's, shorts, flip-flops.
-i long for a holiday. a slow and relaxing holiday.
-i hate work but i appreciate the experience.
-i still get upset when someone asks why am i graduating so late. im stupid so stop asking.
-my ego is as high as the mountain, as deep as the ocean. trying to tone it down for his sake and my good.
-im shy.
-make-up is good for me. not too much, maybe just a little. but im just too lazy.
-i will not admit that i dont have enough space for all my clothes and shoes.
-there is this pair of converse that im planning to get. should i?
-i trust my true friends to never leave me despite the distance. i hope they think the same too.
-this chinese new year will be different from the previous years. will tell you the previous or the present was better.
-money and religion is something i dont fancy having a conversation over. it spoils the relationship.
-i think tough and confident girls are sexy and hot and pretty.
-i have this giant pimple on my chin.
-i prefer sunrise over sunset. the break of dawn is just amazing. havent seen one for a long time. must make it a point to stay up/wake up for it. hmmm i just realise i've not seen a sunrise in melby. sad.
-i know i'll regret saying that studying is better than working. especially when the exam comes.
-i miss dancing with the girls. sadly, memories are all i have now.
-im excited because it has been a year since i partied with the girlfriend. tonight :)
-leaving in 2 weeks time. i feel a pinch everytime thinking about leaving the comfort of home. on the other hand, i have unsettled issues and someone waiting for me on the other side.
-satay, hokkien mee, grilled fish
-by june, i want to see a flat tummy and hopefully a not so round face.
-you watch heroes? i want Samuel's powers so i can shift my comfort zone with me everywhere i go.
-in my life time, i dont think i can ever repay my parents sacrifices for the family. will i be able to do the same for my family in the future? saving is just hard.
-today and for the rest of the year, i want to be forever 21.

ok, let's party!

such feelings

2010-02-04T02:12:00.002+11:00

damn you woman, i told myself for the tenth-thousand time. i wish i wasn't as observant. i hoped for the opposite, but the one minute is enough to make me un-reasonable and think about what i shouldnt be. get lost.

a lil bit of everything

2010-02-01T00:15:00.000+11:00

1st February 2010 (Monday)

On Sunday, I realise i havent been spending much time with myself. Work has pretty much sucked up my entire 3 months holiday and I cant bare to waste a whole day doing nothing. Everyday, I'll come up with something to look forward to. Having a plan in mind means keeping the day alive! and i would say it has been working pretty well on me. Whether it's gym after work or dinner or movie or skype or pasar malam or etc etc, it's still a plan! though some might differ.

After some weeks of doing things to keep my days alive, i missed the alone time i had with no interference, just pure spending time doing whatever i want to do, without time limit, preferably. But now it's not really the right time for it. I've got 3 weeks before heading back to melby and chinese new year is next week. my dad is worried that i wont have enough time to pack and my mom says nothing. im happy to head back to melby but also sad that it's gonna be months till i get to see my parents and sisters again. as annoying as they can be, you love your family no matter what lar, right?

Since today is a weeknight and i have only limited time left till my bed time, i really shouldnt be writing this long draggy post. but then again, i dont want work to restrict what i want to do, though it already has. and this is so contradicting.

This evening while i was on my way home, i did something that i've been wanting to do for a long long time. I super duper dislike drivers who jump the queue. you know how this is done? drive all the way to the front, go really close to a targeted vehicle, then turn on the signal indicator, and expect whoever driving the vehicle to allow you to sip into the lane, gracefully. damn i hate all of you who do that!!!! of course, i would understand if you made a mistake and have to cut the queue. but if you're really doing it on purpose, damn you! and because of people like this, traffic jams are everywhere! then there are those who cut in and out during traffic jams. whoa like you can reach your destination 1 hour earlier by doing so is it? come on, what's so great with cutting that 1 or 2 car just to get ahead for that 1 to 2 minute. seriously, most people on the road are super impatient! another thing i would like to comment on is the need for pedestrian crossing and for drivers to actually stop for them. yes i see some pedestrian crossing here and there, but tell me how many of you actually stop at that when you see someone trying to cross the road? most will only stop when the pedestrian risk his/her life to cross the road and you on the other hand try to avoid taking their lives. such case is tested and proven by myself. since i got back, i've been held/pulled at the hand twice for wanting to cross the road, as motorbikes and cars looked like they werent willing to stop. oh mind you, i was on a proper and very obvious pedestrian crossing yea. speaking of pedestrians, what is it with you guys trying to cross the road in a group?!!! one morning, i exit-ed federal highway and what welcomed me at the end of the exit was a group of people standing in the middle of the road trying to cross the road. worst of all, not everyone stopped when they saw me driving up the road. some stopped while some continue their graceful walk and others tried to run across. in the end, traumatised but the amount of people in the middle of the road, i stopped in the middle of the road and allow all of them to cross to the other side. omg why havent i seen this? or maybe just like everyone else, i was too ignorant before this. yea you may say that i berlagak, but really, a few months in melby showed me otherwise, that people do stop for pedestrians.

sometimes i wonder if it's better to have flexible rules or strict rules?

Was browsing through some blogs and came across a very interesting one. i'll be turning 23 this year. 4 years back, do i sound like this? was i so naive and immature? once, the now minor details seemed like a big detail. did i ever cry or be upset over it? i guess it's a phase that everyone goes through. but this phase may also be a phase that some people never grow out of.

my youngest sister was born in the 2000s. she says that we adults treat her like a maid because we ask her to do this and that. she too says that she's not a maid therefore she wouldnt obey our orders. what is the world becoming as parents give the best to younger generation but do they really know how to appreciate it? it's always better better better. too much better = worst worst worst?

nites!

this place

2010-01-21T01:08:00.002+11:00

20th January 2010 (Wednesday)

im not done with you

and i miss you so..

Happy thoughts!

2010-01-14T01:42:00.004+11:00

13th January 2010 (Wednesday)

I wrote a long post on what i think about studies and work but im not ready to let it out. The week is passing by fast and this is very good news to me! which means, a day closer to not going to work! sad to say, im really not ready for working life. i miss chilling at home doing nothing but sleep, using the internet, watch a couple of series, hit the gym.... they say life will only be fulfilling with achievements. but having to work for two holidays in a row is really tiring and i want my holidays back! so this shall be the last until i start working for real. after this, it's gonna be sit back and relax! they also say that with a goal in mind, the day passes by with more meaning to it. agree! and so tomorrow i plan to hit the gym after work. Recently, i read an article on how to be happy. Then it striked me that i really forgot how to be happy as i was too busy drowning in my own sorrows and swimming with my fellow emo mates. Try inserting happy thoughts and see light in every thing that you do. Im not sure about you, but it helps in my case :))

My happy thoughts for the day:
1. Enjoy my work instead of going against it.
2. Relax and sing my lungs out while being stuck in the jam.
3. Enjoy lunch with a good book and some ice-cream.
4. Look forward to catching up with Carman :)
5. Spend quality time with family over mom's cooking.
6. Spending me time!
7. Sleep early and look forward to another interesting day at work.

and also, some time last night, i came across the love of a mother towards her son. The comment she left was good enough to remind me: stay strong and never give up.
because my mom recently said the same to me :)

January 10

2010-01-10T22:01:00.000+11:00

10th January 2010 (Sunday)

Counting down:

29 days to the end of internship
6 weeks to Melby
6 weeks of being alone
6 weeks of 3 hours time difference
6 weeks of webcam
6 weeks of major text-ing
6 weeks of lag-gy phone calls
6 weeks of skype
6 weeks of absence

but the best of it all,
6 weeks till i see you again :)
for the next 9346592734561467591764259y6 weeks to come...

so are you in or out?

It has been

2010-01-09T04:31:00.005+11:00

9th January 2010 (Saturday)

a week since Carman left for Melbourne. just when im used to having him around, we're back to meeting each other over the webcam. oh well..

so it's back to work. a routine ever since i got back. till this day, im still not happy that i traded my holiday for internship! gahhhhhhhhh! and it's so tiring trying to juggle work and play. im really not good at the after work dinner/meet up with friends thing :( by the time i leave the office, im as tired and lazy as a 70 year old lady. my eyes gets heavier by the day as my energy dies off comes wednesday, thursday, friday. lucky or not, this is the first week of the year and the first time i spent a friday at work ever since starting work. how i miss friday public holidays and long weekends :( 6 more weeks and so long farewell. yes i dislike work.

this year is the year of the tiger. happy tiger year to my tiger friends. such is fate, within a year i met and made friends with many tigers who will now experience their 2nd cycle (note: 24 this year!) it's still hard to believe/accept that im already at the end of my one and a three quarter cycle. sigh. one last quarter and hello fellow rabbits.

to kick off the new year, we celebrated William's birthday.
William. a father figure. a little story on him. i first met him at Carman's 23rd birthday party. a brief introduction-cant remember how he looks like and what his name was. then not sure how or when our friendship blossomed and we went from level 1 to the level that we are now, where we have parents in the common business and secrets to share and a whole lot of my junk in his premise. all in all, thank you William for being such a great friend the past year. Despite your constant critism, i know that the outer you does no justification of the real person that you are, and im glad that i saw through that. or at least i think i did :S May our friendship continue to grow and we shall continue to tease each other till the end of days.

Again, Happy Birthday and hope you had as much fun as i did on your birthday dinner. :)))

Spent friday night bonding with the high school bunch and laughing over the silly-est things. Sigh, if only i could bring all of you to Melb with me, wouldnt that be great? because it's really different not being able to have the usual mamak session/dinner/chit-chatting/movie etc etc etc with you guys. friends forever? i found mine :) And also, because there is only one person besides the boyfriend that i share all my deepest darkest secret with. yea lar, it's you, who named the innocent group of friends. missed talking to you!

also, manage to put away laziness by uploading some recent and some backdated pictures in facebook. just to keep the account alive.. since i've uploaded so many pictures in facebook, this post shall be kept minimum in pictures. do you know that it's tiring to select and press that upload button?? basically the waiting part sucks big time. sorry lar internet connection so slow what can i do.

hmmmmm, what's for Saturday?
i want to get a new phone, a new bag, a new pair of specs/shades, polo-t's, and eat roti canai. oh and gym, i hope.

7 weeks

2010-01-02T12:00:00.001+11:00

2nd January 2010 (Saturday)

'will you miss me?'
'i already am =('

*pic credits to Abby*

MUST BE HAPPY!

2010-01-01T21:00:00.000+11:00

1st January 2010 (Friday)

since i missed my last post for the year (2009), today is the first for 2010.
2009 was a year filled with ups and downs. the year i went through a lot of mental/emotional challenges, every step and every decision made brings a certain impact to who i am now. along the way, i was to see who my real friends are and how much my family is willing to sacrifice for me. i've never seen my mom in such a way that i have for the past 21 years. i never knew i could walk away from someone once so close to me. i never knew how things would be once i leave home.

im not sure how or when, but today, i find myself an extreme-ist with too much to think about. i always know that thinking too much means bringing more doubts and sadness upon myself. for the first time, having a good sleep became an issue, having a bad meal became an issue, tears are building up too easily for my own good. comparing the previous me, im not liking who i am now. in a good way, i definately am stronger, but conversely, im easily agitated and that's not very happy. how was it like to be simple and fun? i guess being away from maha, sam, shan, may yee and the rest of them did bring a difference. sometimes, wouldnt it be good that we can go back to days where all we talk about are boys and petty issues, when everything bad can be made to a good laugh?

currently, there are so many un-happy things in me. not happy that i have to work 8-5, not happy that i have to graduate later than anyone else that i know, not happy that i'll be all alone studying when everyone else will be working soon, not happy that i wont be able to go for any holidays this summer, not happy not happy not happy.

im pretty shocked that there are a few who actually get an update on my life through this blog. to a point, i actually considered locking it, as i feel restricted to voice out. all the what-if-i-hurt-anyone keeps running through my head. every sentence here has to be revised for a couple of times before being finalised. gah, i hate that feeling when what used to be mine is now a public area where anyone would have a chance to have a glimpse at it. i guess my confidence level is not that high after all. especially when i know i have people who matter to me reading this, it gets a bit hard to speak straight from my mind. what now with all that has happened in 2009.

so this 2010, everything will change for the better, i must!

because a boilerman recently said to me 'you must be happy! dont be selfish! look at me, im always happy. when you're happy, you dont get sick so easily.' haha, who would have thought a trip to the boiler room would bring me to such a nice simple and happy man who totally brightened up my day and thought me one of the very simple, yet important thing in life :))

random flashbacks..

>

Best of all....

=)))))

so everyone, MUST BE HAPPY AR!!!!

HAPPY 2010!

everything changed

2009-12-19T11:20:00.000+11:00

19th December 2009 (Saturday)

Im back for almost 3 weeks. It was planned that I would come back to lots of good food and fun. As life teaches us that things don't always go the way we want it to be. yes i agree. because i was lucky to join a big corporation for my internship, i passed the interview and started work the following week i got back. since then, there wasnt much time left for fun or food hunt.

It seems that there isnt much to do for the holidays besides work and spending time with loved ones. maybe im not utilising my time. not managing it well enough. instead of complaining on the lack of time, i could have done something after working hours like catching up with friends and so on. is it just me or i really like just chilling at home after work, surfing the net and catching up on a few episodes of series seems like the ideal thing to do.

Occasionally, i wouldnt mind that casual dinner or mamak session. but when im willing to, the others might not.

When you're around, you don't seem to realise the changes around you. Being away for months then come back to a place that i've been living in for the past 21 years allowed me to take a step back and see the changes.

Starting with the place, i see new buildings and new highways. the roads that i used to take to Monash Sunway are now coated with a new layer of tar, covering those pot-holes that used to be so familiar to me that i naturally know when to avoid it. Roads are getting a wee bit complicated due to the opening of new highways. Thank God for sign boards.

Then came the people i know.
Whether i admit it or not, at some point, they've changed. There is only that limited of things that a person can tell you through the phone, msn, skype, email etc etc. What they tell you are main points of an event. But sometimes, it is the little things that matters. Just on the family, i've been asking things like 'eh, when did this happen?' 'why is this here and not there?' over the phone, my dad used to say that everyone is still the same, that the family is still doing the same routine and all. but now that im back here, no, it's not the same anymore.

On friends, hmmmmm, all of them look the same, except for a few who may have put on some weight. haha. love you still :p even i stacked on a few kg's when im away. so, what im trying to say is, i may still be part of the group like how it used to be, but things certainly have changed one way or another. often when a change happens, people get used to it as time goes. Sad to say but 10months is enough to create that awkward feeling, like a stranger walking in to a close knitted community. hey, dont get me wrong. of course, it's hard to say that i don't feel a tad bit upset when the friends i grew up with dont feel as close anymore. but i also understand that everything changes with time and sometimes, it's a matter of getting used to it, again.

Im sure i've changed too.
The way i think, the way i see things, the way i approach things. It's definately different from how i would 10months back. Suddenly, i find myself not being able to accept the driving trend in malaysia. malaysian drivers appeared to be very ignorant, not stopping on pedestrian crossing, not putting the signal light when making a turn or cutting the line, not following the speed limit... what used to be alright in my eyes dont seem so ok anymore. in malaysia, it's not a culture for everyone to be polite. suddenly, some people here appear to be very unfriendly and hard to approach.

On the other way round, 10months ago, i myself was adapting to the new environment and starting to see changes around me. from the way i should greet and treat people, to the way i should oblige to the rules and culture in that country.

Im not trying to boast about the changes.
Just trying to point out the changes that can happen in a short period of 10months. Judging by the changes, i don't think 10 months is a short time afterall huh?
Apparently, 3months away from melbourne, i'll be seeing changes already. eg, Kowloon (restaurant) has closed down.

Everything changes. We learn, we improve and we adapt.

So much so lazy

2009-12-15T22:00:00.000+11:00

15th December 2009 (Tuesday)

Being lazy is taking on its toll. I choose to stay at home on Friday night, just because im lazy. I finally uploaded all my pictures from the trip to Sydney but just too lazy to load it to facebook, or even blog about it. I feel like painting my nails, butttt i guess i'll just do it when im not so lazy. I should sign up for gym and again, maybe the day after tomorrow because im just too lazy. I should blog, but then again, maybe i should just watch some series.

So today, im taking a step towards not being so lazy.

This morning, i had a really un-satisfied meal.
So, there was a bowl of yummy noodles right infront of me. But ew, there was something inside that i dont like. must be green peas or chinese mushroom. that someone took a few minutes to pick out all those un-yummy stuff from the noodles. finally, it's time for me to dig in, with chopsticks in one hand and a soup spoon on the other. just as i stuck both said item into my very yummy noodle, i woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. :(((((((((((
damn you! im now craving for nice bowl of yummy noodles :((

Internship is picking up. *fingers crossed* hope to learn more tomorrow!

3 days and counting. *loves*

I think im shopping too much. ooopppsss.

Honestly, I've been back for 2 weeks, but i dont think im having any fun, socially.
Food wise, definately better, but, not quite there yet, as i still have sooooooooooooooo much that i want to eat/try.
Hmmm, where's all the fun?

Oh wait, working people dont get to have fun. Especially me who sleeps before 12am on weekdays. boooo.

So much more to say, but lazy calls.

Laters.

Oh no, 10pm d!

not yet

2009-12-09T00:03:00.004+11:00

9th December 2009 (Tuesday)

sometimes, it gets hard to pretend that everything is ok.

i need him now. :(

需知

2009-12-04T21:11:00.002+11:00

没有希望，就不会失望。

To remember.

2009-12-04T12:12:00.003+11:00

4th December 2009 (Friday)

so many questions. the options are so limited. everything is in a blur. the year passed by so painfully. so many heartaches. so many disappointments. so many stand ups. one fall, two fall. the scar got deeper. running out of tears. the expectation lowers. the confidence dropped. dont tell me its ok, because its not, and you know it. dont tell me things happen, because i know, it always does. dont tell me i've did my best, because it didnt show. whats the point? really, whats the point? the sacrifices, the change, the guilt. whats the point? a mistake? it was mine. i dont understand. because i really really dont. i dont see why. mom says its a lesson. what's done is done. i know, but its not working. how to avoid judgement? how to face the fact? how to stand up? they say everything gets better when you hit the lowest point in life. but what if, i hit the bottom pit again, before i could stand up fully from the previous fall? because it's a realistic life. none remembers the good, just the bad. let me be. i just want to be away. away from everything. i know what im doing. i know i have zero confidence now. but just, let me be. dont ask me to cheer up. i cant. and you know it. dont ask me not to think. i cant. define breakdown: now.

Done with the holidays

2009-11-25T10:50:00.004+11:00

25th November 2009 (Tuesday)

a short trip to Sydney, and my holidays are officially over. just when i thought i had a few days to escape anything related to studies, Jeon had to mention the release of results. just when i thought i made peace with my mind, i came back with a mentally scribbled to-do-list. just when i thought i could come home and take a nap on my comfy bed, i found an e-mail sent just 30 minutes ago from my mom regarding my internship. sigh, there's ALWAYS things to do. ALWAYS.
as the days go by, i dread growing up, i dread being an adult. the complains are piling and the pimples are growing along with the stress level.

If this is just the beginning, does this mean my life ahead will be full of it?

Waking up every morning to have a to-do-list in my mind.
Ending the day with a sigh and thank God that the day is over, yet wake up to another day of errands.

I guess this is normal.
You just live with it. Instead, thankful that life isnt stagnant but moving forward.

Just, sometimes, i wish for a peace of mind, no worries, no thinking, no responsibilities, just, fun.

A change

2009-11-16T11:04:00.001+11:00

16th November 2009 (Monday)

Time for a change.

THANKS JO-MANNN :))))

im lovin' it to bits.

Running through the weeks.

2009-11-14T14:33:00.002+11:00

16th November 2009 (Monday)

exams are over, for now. another semester in university. just like the previous years, the exams come and goes by so fast. holidays are here. the year is coming to an end. so much to tie up before the year ends. it's just busy busy busy and some rest in between.
over the weeks, celebrated housemate - Hsiao Hui's birthday, studied for four papers, ate out a lot, the weather turned really hot with the temperature rising up to 34C, sweating buckets in a room with small windows and no air circulation, Ben came back for his graduation whereby i missed the ceremony due to exams, walked under the hot sun to take a shuttle bus to exam hall, heard that someone fell into the train tracks and got ran over, said goodbye to Florence Avenue without a last look at it, reminded of how group studies can sometimes be so stressful...
ok, that's all i can remember for the past week.

for the first time after a few months, my weekends were spent doing nothing related to studies! damn it feels gooooooooooooooood.
sitting by the cafe sipping on a good cup of mocha under a bright sunny day. :)))

GOOD DAY!

hot and cold

2009-11-01T11:54:00.000+11:00

1st November 2009 (Sunday)

Second last month of the year. damn that was fast.
Felt like yesterday i was still wrapped up in layers and layers of clothing. the thick jackets. all the complains on not being able to wear shorts and skirts and baby-tee's and slippers.
It's here now.
It was blazing hot yesterday at 31C. my room was stuffy and hot. with the windows opened, thanks, it wasnt helping. Hair tied up, shorts, big-homey-tshirt. I got mad studying. Did some house chores and took a nice cold shower. To make the day better, an icy cold winter melon bubble tea. :))))

ps: the amount of complains from the heat is equivalent to the complains from the cold. humans. haha. oh, today, it is back to 15C. heyho we've got a confused weather.

Related to studies

2009-10-29T09:52:00.001+11:00

29 October 2009 (Thursday)

Oh nooooooooo. Today is Thursday. :((((((((((((((((((

Since it's related to studies,
Siu Ming is now a fresh graduate!!!!!

This is just so funny. HAHA.

picture credits to Siu Ming.

more freshgraduates to come yea?

Laters.

$$$

2009-10-21T18:26:00.003+11:00

21st October 2009 (Wednesday)

when it takes 1 hour and 10 times of thinking to decide if i should spend $3.20 on a small cup of mocha.

living on a tight budget makes me cry, literally. :(((((

Just for you

2009-10-11T22:05:00.003+11:00

11th October 2009 (Sunday)

A BIG shoutout:

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY!! :))))))))

missing them

2009-10-10T12:12:00.005+11:00

10th October 2009 (Saturday)

to have mom and dad tell me that everything will be ok.

nerdddddd

2009-10-06T11:51:00.005+11:00

6th October 2009 (Tuesday)

1month minus 3 days to finals. preparation starts NOW. though i think it's already a tad bit late. dislike it when midsemester break is so close to finals. before you know it, once the holidays are over, reality strikes and i'll be sitting for my first paper 1month minus 3 days from today. as if i have another 2months to study for finals, i've got sooooooooooooo much coursework and 1 test to go before the first paper. argh! seriously monash, better planning on the schedule please? ok fine, im to be blamed because as a student i should plan my time appropriately blah blah blah. im at a breaking point. the fear from last semester is creeping up on me. what if, what if, the history repeats itself? no way im gonna let that happen again!

oh, we kept the tradition on mooncake festival ;)

so much to doooooooooooooo!
laters.

taking note

2009-09-30T14:30:00.004+10:00

1st October 2009 (Thursday)

1. these days, i complain too much.

2. now, im harder to please.

3. i feel trapped. all the time.

4. im not good at everything i do.

5. i dont like sympathy.

6. i want to travel. away from melbourne.

7. i dont like living in a budget.

8. i hate cooking and eating the same stuffs over and over again.

9. i miss shopping.

10. i miss cheap and good food.

11. the gym is too far away from home.

12. the weather changes too drastically.

13. if only i can eat all i want and never get fat.

14. nothing much can be done once the sky turns dark.

15. clubbing sounds so yesterday, but im only 22.

16. where are my girlfriends when i need them? sigh, they are all in malaysia.

17. i miss the convenience of having a car.

18. exams are drawing near but i dont feel like studying.

19. assignment is due on monday, but i've yet to start.

20. told you so, i rant too much.

Mid-Sem Break / Tulip Farm

2009-09-29T23:03:00.012+10:00

29th September 2009 (Tuesday)

one week of mid-semester break, i gave myself the weekend until tuesday to rest and have all the fun i can get. with no prior plans for the holidays, i find myself catching up with sleep given the rainy days on weekends.

Monday came and i headed to the city with Carman with a mission in hand - to shop (not me). On the same night, i attempted my baking skills and baked a carrot walnut cake that can't go wrong (since i bought the cake mix from coles :p). BUT, things got a bit out of hand when the icing mix was mixed with the cake mix and thrown to bake in the oven together with the cake mix. and throughout the whole baking and mixing of oil, water and eggs into the cake mix, i was actually pretty happy and proud to be able to bake a cake. i left the cake in the oven for 40minutes while i enjoyed an episode of Heroes. came back to the kitchen to find a burnt cake. :((((( thank God for the cake mix was bought for less than 5 bucks. lesson learnt :( dont laugh!

Finally uploaded some pictures from some time ago.

Our first dimsum without the rest. for the first time, we were sitted in the middle, a massive reduction in table size since there were only 4 of us :(

On the eve of mid-semester break, we had a mini celebration.
why the celebration? soon to be announced ;)

again, just the four of us.
again, a small squared table, just nice to fit all the dishes we ordered.

wayyyyy too much food for 4 person, but it was damn good!

Highlight for mid-semester break: Lunch at Mt Dandenong and Tulip Farm.

The girls first visit to Ripe Cafe @ Mt Dandenong.

Lim Khai Way, this is for you.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Next, Tulip Farm! in conjunction with the on-going Tulip Festival.
Thank God for good weather!

sunny day + tulips + great company + good food = Awesome day :)))))

coldddddddd

2009-09-27T03:24:00.001+10:00

27th September 2009 (Sunday)

another cold rainy day.

a few days back, Sheau Chin asked: 'am i weird?'
if she thinks she's weird, i guess im equally weird.

nowadays, staying home feels like the best thing to do when theres nothing to do. i'd rather stay home and stare into my laptop, one episode after another, until im bored of it, i'll do my laundry or maybe cook for lunch/dinner. else, just chilling at the bar sounds good to me. or maybe, a slice of cake and mocha to go with. or maybe, just spending time with those close to heart. socialise? meeting new people? nahhhhhhhh. im too lazy for that.
does this make me weird?

the movie 'the race to witchmountain' sounds familiar to you?
carman and i spent 90 minutes on that movie and concluded that we've outgrown Disney movies. bad newsssssssssss :(((

on Facebook, a photo album posted by Maha. the girls are having fun back home, im glad :) damn i miss home and of course, missing the girls a whole lot.

because my life is pretty stagnant at the moment, hence no pictures. im boring like that.

i guess the whole 'failed two subjects in one semester' incident hit me real hard. i've became this person that has no confidence filled with negative thoughts and super duper unsatisfied over so so many things. not good. in the process of feeling like a failure, i think i might have upset people around me and i feel terrible over it. sorry.

omg the sadness in my blog is annoying.

happy thoughts pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

has been raining the whole day and it's really upset-ing! ishhh.

nowadays, im just too lazy for pictures.

*edited

looking back :)))))

not me.

2009-09-24T21:25:00.002+10:00

24th September 2009 (Thursday)

Mid-Semesters are here.

This afternoon, there were graduates, family and friends scattered around the campus. It was all cheers and laughter, cameras were flashing. The guys in suits, the girls in their best formal attire. I see the smile on everyones faces. how proud they looked. yes, they were really happy. of course, it's graduation.

A day ago, mom said the family are planning to come over next year end for a family trip since my sisters wont be able to make it for my graduation the following year.

Once, it was perfect - to graduate end of next year and have the whole family over. Within 4 months, what was once perfect is not so perfect anymore.

because everyone is graduating, but not me.

on house chores

2009-09-14T22:35:00.003+10:00

14th September 2009 (Monday)

a conversation striked up between hui mynn and i. we were saying how we had kakak's back home to help us with dishes, cleaning up our room, washing the toilet, doing our laundry etc etc. life back home was nothing but comfort. now that we're 6 hours away from home, we're no longer in our comfort zone. we depend on public transports and our trusty legs instead of cars. walking for 30 minutes from one destination to another is now bearable. we do our own laundry, hang and fold our own clothes. we cook to save for trips during the holidays. i've got a toilet to scrub. i have to sweep, mop and vacuum the floor. i dont get to leave the dishes in the sink, i dont get to walk away after cooking, i dont get to ask my kakak to cook something for me when im lazy and longing for food. how i miss being back home. how i miss being pampered. how i miss not having to care about laundry and cleanliness in the house. how i miss to just come home to a home filled with homecooked food. i start to appreciate my mom and kakak a whole lot more. my cooking skills are not improving. no matter what, it was good to leave the comfort zone. because im becoming an aunty, just like my mom. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. omg this is growing up.

***

Lim Khai Way, we're gonna miss having you around :((

it's gonna take some time to get used to the sudden silence. Florence Avenue will never be the same again...

Wind + Spring

2009-09-12T00:23:00.000+10:00

12th September 2009 (Saturday)

12 hours of sleep from friday to saturday. it was a good sleep. the sleep that tells me my week is finally over, time to rest and start the week all over again.
this week, childhood friend Steven left for home.
one by one, each of them leave for home and im not sure when i'll be seeing them again. im happy with the time spent together. albeit short, but we had fun. :)
it feels so dull and quiet with everyone back in malaysia and one in hongkong.
gone are the days when there were more than 10 of us for just a simple dinner.
this coming monday, another Lim returns to Tanah Melayu.

since everyone is going back to malaysia, i feel like going home home too :(
but the fact is, i just came here, like 6 months ago.
comparing 6 months to a few years. hello, 6 months is nothing.

so thats the difference between me and them who are heading back.
they've graduated and in the process of starting their new chapter in life, known as adulthood. hence, time to get a steady job and work for the rest of your life.

today, carman and i went for the movie 'UP'. it was good. for once, a cartoon that made me think.
it made me think how short life can be. yes of course i know life is short and we only live once, but this cartoon refreshed the whole concept of 'life is short'. within 10 minutes, i see a boy and a girl, who met randomly in a house that's falling apart, became friends, talked about adventure, get married, lived a normal yet happy life, getting old together, then came the time when the female passed away, leaving the old man behind. just 10 minutes, i realise how short life can be. it takes just 10 minutes to walk through ones life.

im currently a university student away from home.
2 years later, it'll be my turn to graduate (hopefully) and to get a job.
what happened to wanting to grow up and getting the freedom that i've been longing for?
as i come closer and closer to being an adult and support my own life, the desire to grow up does not seem so interesting and exciting as it used to be when i was 15. it's a cycle that my parents went through and soon, it'll be my turn. im not ready to earn and support my own life.im not ready to think about marriage and a family.im not ready for the future thats ahead of me. the talk on economy, money, investments, property, savings...... all these talk would have been something that i'll look forward to when i was 17. but not now. all the responsibilities. urgh. where's the fun. sigh.

wow, the last i checked, it was 12 AM.
49 minutes has passed since then.

i have to say that i love love love todays weather. it was 27C in the day! YAYYYY! well, i did complain that it was a bit stuffy and hot, but, i love it! no jacket for the whole day. how great is that! however, i should not be too happy about it since the weather in melbourne changes so drastically. it can be sunny today and windy+showers the following day. just yesterday, the sun was out but the wind was crazily strong i had to stop myself from being blown away while walking back from uni. the wind can be really really irritating and it's really getting on my nerves. blow blow blow blow blow blow. argh, stop blowing please. weather forecast is telling me that the temperature will be between 13-18C tomorrow and it's windy with rain. oh well, wayyy better than single digits but please dont rain when im walking to the gym. *i pray*

mid-semester break is only 2 weeks away! which means, finals is just around the corner :(((
hmmmmmm. finals can wait. what's for the holidays huh? lots of fun please.

okbye time for desperate housewives :D

Springggggggg

2009-09-01T19:21:00.003+10:00

1st September 2009 (Tuesday)

Hey Winter, I'll see you next year. I had enough of you. Time spent with you was amazing, but im in need of warm weather. However, i got a feeling that i'll miss you once the sun starts to burn. But for now, i really need spring. It's the start of September. Hello, Spring :)

Ohnoooo, weather forecast says that it'll be sunny tomorrow, but windy with showers for the following two days. doesnt feel spring at all.

Ohyea, Happy Merdeka! albeit one day late.

It has been some time since i last made a stop at a particular friends blog. Because he's such a writer, i was close to tears reading his recent entry on the passing on of his family dog. The entire post walked me through the life of Sabrina, as a puppy till the day she went to sleep. Such a waste not being able to meet Sabrina. Because i wonder what an extraordinary dog she would be. Hey Roy, you have my condolences. Im sure she was a great friend/family :)

A few months back, i left home and met a new bunch of friends. Friends i made and spent a decent amount of time with. The girls and i were the newbies who joined the group of them who knows melbourne good enough to be our guides. One by one, it was time for them to leave for home. It's sad to see that there wasnt enough time to strengthen the frienship. but oh well, im sure we'll meet again, someday, somewhere. On the way, 2 of them are packing their life in Melbourne and ready to head home in a suitcase. you guys will be missed!

Totally unrelated, but I really need a new bag.

Great september :))

2 days after

2009-08-28T14:03:00.005+10:00

28th August 2009 (Friday)

This is the 2nd year i spent my birthday studying for mid-semester test. and i can assure you, it sucks big time. last year, i had my family to surprise me with a cake. this year, i had my friends :))
People, stop being sad for me! because it makes me feel even worst.
The whole birthday thing seems so surreal because i was drowned in notes and swallowing lectures/tutorials for a test that's freaking 20% of my finals. thank God that's over now.

studies and tests aside, Thanks for the birthday wishes and efforts put in to make me happy. im thankful and glad :))))