everything changed

19th December 2009 (Saturday)

Im back for almost 3 weeks. It was planned that I would come back to lots of good food and fun. As life teaches us that things don't always go the way we want it to be. yes i agree. because i was lucky to join a big corporation for my internship, i passed the interview and started work the following week i got back. since then, there wasnt much time left for fun or food hunt.

It seems that there isnt much to do for the holidays besides work and spending time with loved ones. maybe im not utilising my time. not managing it well enough. instead of complaining on the lack of time, i could have done something after working hours like catching up with friends and so on. is it just me or i really like just chilling at home after work, surfing the net and catching up on a few episodes of series seems like the ideal thing to do.

Occasionally, i wouldnt mind that casual dinner or mamak session. but when im willing to, the others might not.

When you're around, you don't seem to realise the changes around you. Being away for months then come back to a place that i've been living in for the past 21 years allowed me to take a step back and see the changes.

Starting with the place, i see new buildings and new highways. the roads that i used to take to Monash Sunway are now coated with a new layer of tar, covering those pot-holes that used to be so familiar to me that i naturally know when to avoid it. Roads are getting a wee bit complicated due to the opening of new highways. Thank God for sign boards.

Then came the people i know.
Whether i admit it or not, at some point, they've changed. There is only that limited of things that a person can tell you through the phone, msn, skype, email etc etc. What they tell you are main points of an event. But sometimes, it is the little things that matters. Just on the family, i've been asking things like 'eh, when did this happen?' 'why is this here and not there?' over the phone, my dad used to say that everyone is still the same, that the family is still doing the same routine and all. but now that im back here, no, it's not the same anymore.

On friends, hmmmmm, all of them look the same, except for a few who may have put on some weight. haha. love you still :p even i stacked on a few kg's when im away. so, what im trying to say is, i may still be part of the group like how it used to be, but things certainly have changed one way or another. often when a change happens, people get used to it as time goes. Sad to say but 10months is enough to create that awkward feeling, like a stranger walking in to a close knitted community. hey, dont get me wrong. of course, it's hard to say that i don't feel a tad bit upset when the friends i grew up with dont feel as close anymore. but i also understand that everything changes with time and sometimes, it's a matter of getting used to it, again.

Im sure i've changed too.
The way i think, the way i see things, the way i approach things. It's definately different from how i would 10months back. Suddenly, i find myself not being able to accept the driving trend in malaysia. malaysian drivers appeared to be very ignorant, not stopping on pedestrian crossing, not putting the signal light when making a turn or cutting the line, not following the speed limit... what used to be alright in my eyes dont seem so ok anymore. in malaysia, it's not a culture for everyone to be polite. suddenly, some people here appear to be very unfriendly and hard to approach.

On the other way round, 10months ago, i myself was adapting to the new environment and starting to see changes around me. from the way i should greet and treat people, to the way i should oblige to the rules and culture in that country.

Im not trying to boast about the changes.
Just trying to point out the changes that can happen in a short period of 10months. Judging by the changes, i don't think 10 months is a short time afterall huh?
Apparently, 3months away from melbourne, i'll be seeing changes already. eg, Kowloon (restaurant) has closed down.

Everything changes. We learn, we improve and we adapt.


15th December 2009 (Tuesday)

Being lazy is taking on its toll. I choose to stay at home on Friday night, just because im lazy. I finally uploaded all my pictures from the trip to Sydney but just too lazy to load it to facebook, or even blog about it. I feel like painting my nails, butttt i guess i'll just do it when im not so lazy. I should sign up for gym and again, maybe the day after tomorrow because im just too lazy. I should blog, but then again, maybe i should just watch some series.

So today, im taking a step towards not being so lazy.

This morning, i had a really un-satisfied meal.
So, there was a bowl of yummy noodles right infront of me. But ew, there was something inside that i dont like. must be green peas or chinese mushroom. that someone took a few minutes to pick out all those un-yummy stuff from the noodles. finally, it's time for me to dig in, with chopsticks in one hand and a soup spoon on the other. just as i stuck both said item into my very yummy noodle, i woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. :(((((((((((
damn you! im now craving for nice bowl of yummy noodles :((

Internship is picking up. *fingers crossed* hope to learn more tomorrow!

3 days and counting. *loves*

I think im shopping too much. ooopppsss.

Honestly, I've been back for 2 weeks, but i dont think im having any fun, socially.
Food wise, definately better, but, not quite there yet, as i still have sooooooooooooooo much that i want to eat/try.
Hmmm, where's all the fun?

Oh wait, working people dont get to have fun. Especially me who sleeps before 12am on weekdays. boooo.


So much more to say, but lazy calls.

Laters.

Oh no, 10pm d!


9th December 2009 (Tuesday)


sometimes, it gets hard to pretend that everything is ok.

i need him now. :(


没有希望，就不会失望。


4th December 2009 (Friday)

so many questions. the options are so limited. everything is in a blur. the year passed by so painfully. so many heartaches. so many disappointments. so many stand ups. one fall, two fall. the scar got deeper. running out of tears. the expectation lowers. the confidence dropped. dont tell me its ok, because its not, and you know it. dont tell me things happen, because i know, it always does. dont tell me i've did my best, because it didnt show. whats the point? really, whats the point? the sacrifices, the change, the guilt. whats the point? a mistake? it was mine. i dont understand. because i really really dont. i dont see why. mom says its a lesson. what's done is done. i know, but its not working. how to avoid judgement? how to face the fact? how to stand up? they say everything gets better when you hit the lowest point in life. but what if, i hit the bottom pit again, before i could stand up fully from the previous fall? because it's a realistic life. none remembers the good, just the bad. let me be. i just want to be away. away from everything. i know what im doing. i know i have zero confidence now. but just, let me be. dont ask me to cheer up. i cant. and you know it. dont ask me not to think. i cant. define breakdown: now.


25th November 2009 (Tuesday)


a short trip to Sydney, and my holidays are officially over. just when i thought i had a few days to escape anything related to studies, Jeon had to mention the release of results. just when i thought i made peace with my mind, i came back with a mentally scribbled to-do-list. just when i thought i could come home and take a nap on my comfy bed, i found an e-mail sent just 30 minutes ago from my mom regarding my internship. sigh, there's ALWAYS things to do. ALWAYS.
as the days go by, i dread growing up, i dread being an adult. the complains are piling and the pimples are growing along with the stress level.

If this is just the beginning, does this mean my life ahead will be full of it?

Waking up every morning to have a to-do-list in my mind.
Ending the day with a sigh and thank God that the day is over, yet wake up to another day of errands.

I guess this is normal.
You just live with it. Instead, thankful that life isnt stagnant but moving forward.

Just, sometimes, i wish for a peace of mind, no worries, no thinking, no responsibilities, just, fun.


16th November 2009 (Monday)

Time for a change.

THANKS JO-MANNN :))))

im lovin' it to bits.


16th November 2009 (Monday)

exams are over, for now. another semester in university. just like the previous years, the exams come and goes by so fast. holidays are here. the year is coming to an end. so much to tie up before the year ends. it's just busy busy busy and some rest in between.
over the weeks, celebrated housemate - Hsiao Hui's birthday, studied for four papers, ate out a lot, the weather turned really hot with the temperature rising up to 34C, sweating buckets in a room with small windows and no air circulation, Ben came back for his graduation whereby i missed the ceremony due to exams, walked under the hot sun to take a shuttle bus to exam hall, heard that someone fell into the train tracks and got ran over, said goodbye to Florence Avenue without a last look at it, reminded of how group studies can sometimes be so stressful...
ok, that's all i can remember for the past week.

for the first time after a few months, my weekends were spent doing nothing related to studies! damn it feels gooooooooooooooood.
sitting by the cafe sipping on a good cup of mocha under a bright sunny day. :)))

GOOD DAY!